Vampire Diaries drinking game (but also almost a rant)

I'm so tired of this show, actually.

I feel like every time I give it another chance it just breaks my heart.
Because I SUCK, TONS! I'm going to combine the recap for episode 4x21 (She's Come Undone) and the next (The Walking Dead (seriously?)).
But to (sort of) make up for it, I'm going to give you guys my rules for a Vampire Diaries drinking game.

1. Drink whenever Elena Gilbert says or does something that makes you roll your eyes

I've been using this basic rule for the past 4 years and it sends you into a buzz way before you actually care what's going to happen in the rest of the episode.
My personal favourites include that one time she saw blood drop ONTO her diary and looked at THE FLOOR. Also, that time she killed Connor and then blamed it all on Stefan, because she's a bitch.

2. Drink every time Bonnie has this look on her face*:

She's basically Kristen Stewart with brown skin.

*Drink twice if Jeremy is being given the look.

3. Drink every time Damon distorts his face:

I'm a big fan of Ian Somerhalder's face and the things he does to it.
The truth about life is: Beautiful people have it easy. Watching Ian Somerhalder interviews proves that. He says things only beautiful people can get away with saying. If you don't believe me, make just ONE of these faces and tell me how many women would sell their soul to sleep with you.
What I like about Ian is that he knows he's beautiful and he has the ego of a Lannister, but at the same time, he doesn't. Life is confusing like that. DEAL.

4. Drink every time Klaus looks gorgeous.

Joseph Morgan's face is a masterpiece.

Warning: This rule only applies when playing on Hardcore mode. If Normal level players insist on using this rule, drink must have at least 2 fingers of water/dash added to the glass before proceeding. (This is for all players' safety) 

5. Drink every time Stefan says something he doesn't mean.

It's one of those things that could make you commit murder!
Every night, I wish Stefan would get some SELF ESTEEM! Sometimes it happens, but the thing with The Vampire Diaries is, main characters (apart from Elena) are only allowed five-minutes of self-esteem a season, because otherwise they'd all just leave Mystic Falls and Elena would die alone, as she should.
How many times did Stefan say he was over Elena? Yet, how many times did he go out of his way to save her from some irrelevant drama she put herself in?
Okay, I get she didn't ask to be the doppelganger, but people don't ask to be born with extra limbs or AT ALL. IT  JUST HAPPENS AND WE DEAL WITH IT!
WE all have that one thing we wish we didn't have. Too bad for Elena, she got blood that an evil, thousand year-old vampire wanted, that's nobody's fault (but Ester's). That's just how the dice rolls, yo.

The journey that is The Vampire Diaries hasn't ended yet, and neither has this list. There are WAY more rules to add to this list and I will, just not now. Let me know if there are any rules you'd like added :)

Here's my favourite scene from last week's episode (4x21 - She's Come Undone):

Disclaimer: SerialSia takes no responsibility for any injuries or illnesses that are directly or indirectly incurred from following the rules of this game. (Your stupidity cannot be blamed on anyone else)

Drink responsibly. Also, don't drink and drive, or have sex because babies are messy and will ruin your life.

BUTT I can't help falling in love with you

BUTTS

There were lots of them.

Apart from the heap of rear-ends that we were treated to in this episode, let's not forget how emotional it all was. I'm almost sure that by the end of this season, this will still be some people's favourite episode (not just because we got to see Nikolaj Coster-Waldau's bum)

Here are 5 reasons I loved this episode: 

1. Jogritte/Ygon

YUP! Jon got some.

I, for one, am in doubt about whether Jon has really abandoned The Night's Watch (Considering the fact that he's at least half Stark, I'd say he's playing the Wildlings). Even so, this scene was so adorable! Ygritte wanted to test whether Jon had really forsaken his vows and it was a nice way to destress before their big battle at The Wall.

Finally, a Stark that's actually having a good time in Westeros!

Ygritte seemed to like it too.

2. Cersei and Tyrion's bratty-ness

Little Finger used his 'resources' to find out what the Tyrells were planning and told the Lannisters EVERYTHING.

Obviously, Tywin's plan was to get Sansa married before the Tyrells could carry out their plot completely.

Tywin: "We find Sansa Stark a different husband."

Tyrion: "Wonderful."
Cersei: "Yes, it is."

It took a while for him to get it...

Tyrion was disgusted at their request, but Tywin wasn't exactly asking.

Tyrion: "You can't mean it."
Tywin: "I can and I do."
Tyrion: "Joffrey has made this poor girl's life a misery since the day he took her father's head. Now she's finally free of him and you give her to me? That's cruel, even for you."

Tywin: "You will wed her, bed her and put a child in her."

But he wasn't done yet. Apparently Cersei was going to take Sansa's place as Loras' wife.
He seemed to think it would help end the rumours about Cersei and Jaime.

"Father, don't make me do it again, please."

Tywin: "My children. You've disgraced the Lannister name for far too long."

It was a nice touch that both Cersei and Tyrion were left alone, sulking like five year-old children that weren't allowed to watch TV until they'd finished their plate of food.

3. ALL Arya, Thoros and Beric scenes

The Hound succeeded in killing Beric in his trial by combat and Arya was devastated. All she wanted was at least one of the people on her death-list to get what they deserved, but she couldn't even have that one victory. With her rage, she tried to kill Clegane herself, before Gendry stopped her.

Clegane was pretty chuffed about his win when Beric CAME BACK FROM THE DEAD!

OH GAME OF THRONES, HOW YOU SURPRISE ME!

Thoros has brought Beric back to life a total of six times, including this time.

After seeing Beric come back to life, Arya asked Thoros a question that broke my heart into the tiniest of pieces:

Arya: "Could you bring back a man without a head? Not six times, just once."

Thoros: "I don't think it works that way, child."

Beric: "He was a good man, Ned Stark. He's at rest now, somewhere. I would never wish my life upon him."

Arya: "I would. You're alive."

4. Jienne/Braime

A lot of people ship these characters, mostly because we've been teased with the probability of them doing it at some point. The only reason I 'ship' Jienne is because I like the person Jaime is with Brienne. Before his capture, the only side of Jaime we had seen is the Jaime that was so hopelessly in love with his twin sister, he threw an 8 year old boy off a tower. Let's forget the incest, nobody likes Cersei, even when she's sleeping with someone that she doesn't share DNA with.

When Jaime was with Brienne, you see a warrior, but also, someone that's vulnerable. When Jaime said his "We don't choose who we love" line, you could almost forget that he was talking about his sister.

In this scene, Jaime told Brienne about the day he got his Kingslayer title.

Long story short - Aerys was going to burn the whole city down, rather than surrender to Robert and his army. When Jaime couldn't convince him otherwise, he slit his throat.

It was really sad when Jaime said, "Jaime. My name's Jamie."

5. #GENDRYA!

You guys.

This was THE ULTIMATE!

I ship these two SO HARD

Arya and Gendry had to go their separate ways, finally, but not before (sort of) declaring their love for one another.

Gendry told Arya he was going to be staying on with the Brotherhood.

Gendry: "These men are brothers. They're a family. I've never had a family."

Arya: "I can be your family."

Gendry: "You wouldn't be my family, you'd be m'lady."

Gendry really put himself out there and then she just WALKED AWAY!

ARYA!!! STOP RUNNING FROM HAPPINESS!

Sigh, anyways. I'm really sad about them (P.S. Joe Dempsie looks REALLY good with facial hair)

Honourable mentions:

This crazy lady/Stannis' wife, Selyse

To be fair, you should be wary of anybody who keeps foetuses in a jar.

This girl/Stannis' daughter, Shireen

She won me over with her "What will they do? Lock us in cells?" line. I'm a sucker for kids who speak sarcasm.

Barack O-worm-a

Yeah, this dude totally looks like Barack Obama in 1997.

Lord Karstark's execution

Robb's an idiot, basically. 

Red Wedding, where ARE you???

You don't have to be a knight to have armour.

Oh, [he] just can't wait to be king

Like I said - the best thing to happen to the universe, ever.

It wasn't what I was expecting, but it was different.

Firstly, NOLA! So good to see you, hun.

Why wouldn't you have a coffin in the middle of the street, right?

 New Orleans is one of the most amazing places on the planet and if you've watched The Skeleton Key, also the scariest.
It's a city that's rich with music, art and legal street drinking (which means I'm definitely going to live there). The Originals takes place in the French Quarter of NOLA, where, apparently, there are no French people (only not-French people with French names)

That time Klaus and Hayley banged real good, he told her she could find her family in Louisiana, so she was there, sniffing for some clues.

Jane-Anne (The witch Katherine told Klaus about) told Hayley she could try looking in this real dodgy place out of town, because why not?

Then Jane-Anne and her sister, Sophie argued about whether they were doing the right thing

before this happened:

 MAGIC!

Okay, Hayley, you're an idiot. I don't care whether you're a werewolf - you do not drive around creepy places at night! Especially in NEW ORLEANS! Has NOBODY seen a horror movie???

Anyways, this elaborate spell sequence was done just so a bunch of them could kidnap Hayley.

PS. could somebody call the Bennetts and tell them that THIS is what real magic looks like?

Basically, Klaus was in New Orleans looking for Jane-Anne.

This witch was of no help, but she did give Klaus a lead. Apparently all the witches around town are controlled by Marcel.
This is Marcel:

SWOON right?
Only, no. Klaus and him did this "You are my enemy and I will destroy you. only joking!" thing.

It was really awkward and unnecessary - we've already seen the promo. DUH.

Klaus is completely in love with Marcel, that much is clear, and I don't blame him AT ALL! Charles Michael Davis has the most incredible smile I have ever seen on any person, ever.


Klaus got straight to the point about why he was in town, so Marcel invited him to a family gathering?

 It was an almost trial and guess who was being charged - Jane-Anne!

Marcel accused her of doing magic without his permission, because this is 18th century France or something.
Jane-Anne wasn't being very cooperative, and Marcel wasn't even mad.

First he pretended to be caring and understanding so you're like "Oh, he's not so bad. I like this dude"
But then:

R.I.P Jane-Anne.

Even Klaus looked disturbed and this is the guy that killed twelve people on Christmas.

He was actually more annoyed about Marcel not giving him the chance to ask Jane-Anne what she was up to. He got over it real quick.

Elijah and Rebekah were having a Klaus-scussion (going to copyright this)

  

Rebekah: "Where are you going?"
Elijah: "To find out who's making a move against our brother. And then...I'll either stop them, or I'll help them. Depending on my mood"

Lol, Elijah. The sad thing about Elijah is that he still sees them as a family. No matter how much hell Klaus gave them, he still wants to go back to the good ol' days when they weren't trying to kill each other's lovers.

Klaus went to visit the other Devereux, who was still mourning her sister, but also making tons of gumbo for a bunch of drunks. (I don't know what gumbo is, but it sounds both delicious and revolting.)

She was about to spill her guts when these two walked in. Marcel's spies. Tsk, tsk, everyone knows better than to have Klaus followed.

We met this chick, who is going to be the only human character in this show. 

Season one Elena, almost. Except she looks much cooler.

Sophie a.k.a Miss Gumbo, needed some air, so she went outside to pray for her sister when she got hassled by some henchmen. 
They didn't last long.

  

Literally not a drop of blood on his suit.

Klaus was not happy about Marcel sending bodyguards, and started smacking up the help. This dude.

Klaus: "Where is Marcel?"
Dude: "And who the hell is asking?"
Klaus: "I assume you're joking"

That's the thing about Klaus, he's a self-absorbed but adorable at the same time

Marcel took Klaus to the roof  to cool off

"What an entirely unwelcome surprise"

"And what an entirely unsurprising welcome"

Elijah showed up after doing Klaus' job and the most ridiculous scene in the history of television happened right in front of my eyes.

Sophie was cryptic at first.
But Klaus finally caught on

Yeah, so Hayley's pregnant with Klaus' baby. #PapaKlaus is a thing now.

If I didn't love Joseph Morgan, Daniel Gillies and this show as much as I did, I probably would have changed the channel the second this happened.
I have a feeling the writers are punking us and this is a magic trick, because this honestly doesn't make sense in any way at all, but if Julie Plec is serious about this, she needs to stop reading Stephenie Meyer novels before she moves on with this series.

Klaus' reaction redeemed this scene to an extent. First he called everyone crazy, because duh - vampires can't procreate. Then he was just rude and accused Hayley of being with someone else. 

Hayley was like "Dude, don't you think I would choose not to be held captive if I could?"

Elijah was the most excited, you guys! He was going to be an uncle!

Klaus heard the baby's heartbeat and he was convinced, but then he did what every man in the world would do in that situation - he ran. So I guess being a thousand years old doesn't make you less of an irresponsible jerk? Thanks, The Vampire Diaries.

Elijah tried to calm Klaus down and explain that this was their chance to be a family again.
But Klaus wasn't interested.

Instead he ran back over to Marcel's and made a scene.

Klaus: "Your town?"
Marcel: "Damn straight."
Klaus: "That's funny, because when I left a hundred years ago, you were just a pathetic little scrapper still trembling from the lashes of the whips of those who keep you down and now look at you: master of your domain, Prince of the city..."
Marcel: "...What's mine is yours, but it is MINE. My home. My Family. My Rules...
And I'm not the Prince of the Quarter, friend. I'm the KING. Show me some respect."

Klaus has a God-complex, if you haven't noticed. He wants all the power, or he feels like he has none. Being one of the oldest vampires may have been enough before, but after seeing Marcel and the way he runs this town, Klaus wanted what he had.
When Klaus realised he wasn't going to have it that easy, he attacked one of Marcel's dudes. 

Essentially breaking on of his rules.
Typical male showing his dominance. Every species is the same.

Uncle Elijah was on the phone with Aunty Rebekah while Katherine lurked in the shadows.
Katherine said some deep stuff about how Klaus and her are effectively the same person

Katherine: "Klaus won't be able to walk away from this. He and I are the same: we manipulate, we thirst for power, we control, we punish; but our actions are driven by one singular place deep inside"
Rebekah: "And what's that?"
Katherine: "We're alone and we hate it."

Klaus roamed the streets of 'Nawlins when he ran into a familiar face.

Klaus: "Do you paint?"
Cami: "No, but I admire. Every artist has a story, you know."
Klaus: "And what do you suppose his story is?"
Cami: "He's angry. Dark. Doesn't feel safe and doesn't know what to do about it. He wishes he could control his demons instead of having his demons control him. He's lost. Alone."

This scene made me cry a little, mostly because when Joseph Morgan cries, I want to hug him, before I realise I actually don't know him personally and my life becomes empty again.

Klaus and Elijah made the decision to stay in New Orleans and try to take back the kingdom from Marcel.

Klaus: "I made him in my image and he has bettered me. I want what he has; I wanna be king."

Uncle Elijah was more interested in what was going to happen with the baby.
Klaus' only response:
"Every king needs an heir"

Klaus, you creep, this isn't Game of Thrones. Also, YOU ARE IMMORTAL.
No logic.

Sophie and her witch friends have apparently come up with an elaborate plan to overthrow Marcel and step one involved getting into his inner circle. So Klaus decided to mend bridges. Firstly, by curing the guy he bit.

Marcel forgave him too quickly, which can only mean that he actually hasn't. This is one messed up relationship.

Elijah tried to convince Rebekah to come with him to NOLA, then Katherine tried to convince Elijah to stay in Mystic Falls with her.
I think this is the most I've felt sorry for Katerina. Elijah totally shot her down, he even kissed her on her forehead like she was a mental patient.

So now Katherine's alone, once again.

This scene!!! <3 x 1000
#Klaroline4LYF

Klaus: "Caroline, I'm standing in one of my favourite places in the world, surrounded by food, music, art, culture and all I can think about is how much I want to show it to you. Maybe one day you'll let me."

So that's it. The Originals pilot.
I LOVE IT! And apparently everyone else does too, because it's been picked up for a FULL SEASON!
Obviously it wasn't the best it could have been, but hopefully people will give them a chance.

For now, we still have to deal with Elena and her boring life, but by the looks of the next episode, us Anti-lenas will be having loads of fun watching some torture happening:

You know my mother used to say that if a lady invites you into her room, she probably isn't much of a lady.